I have offically been working for sip for 3 days and monday i be going to jurong east to work. kind of far... i was attrached to the ocbc audit department and things well kind of not going on smoothly. went to the temple to pray today and went to ask for answers and the answer i got was good might not turn out be good, fish out of the water, forget about all the things you hoped for. interpetation= bad. my ma look at the chinese break down and told me these words: [let nature take it course]

So i guess [let nature takes its course] applies to both work and driving ba. At work may be I should stop harping on how unlucky i was to be send to jurong east and how cold the department was. At driving may be i should stop worrying about the slope ba. After all its either i get it or slope back no use worrying now.

Sometimes i think i giving myself too much stress and pressure but with out all these I'm bound to stack off and make mistakes. I get stressed up and pressured easily as i was afraid of making mistakes. I know this might be due to my lack of confidence should i say zero confidence ba.

I really dun think i could do anything perfectly. my ma always tell me to be more confidence. but the problem is i dunno what is confidence, how it feels like, where to find it and also how to be confidence.

I think its partly due to my childhood ba. when i was a kid, my teachers will always told my ma the same thing.

"Her learning ability is slower, she need to put in more extra effort than the rest."

Which means, if people put in 2 hours of work, i need to put in 4 to 8 hours to get it right. And this sentence start from primary 1 to sec 4. Always is i need to put in extra effort than the others.

My bro on the other hand is too over confident sometimes. well we are actually north and south poles. since young, his teachers will be saying this to my ma.

"He's a smart boy. Got gifted celverness.[xiao chiong ming]"

Well he was praised by everyone since primary 1 to sec 4. which is completely opposite.

If confidence is so easy to find then tell me. I been trying all these years just to surpass my bro and the only way to keep me going is to give myself stress and pressure but always i lost!

Sec 4 O levels, i study like hell. do pass year papers and i got to get to poly i happy. he sec 4 play through it and he got one mark lower than me... i first year poly every day stay back read through the notes, near exam do the past year like siao, he near exam can play games. he got 2 Zs and what did i get? zero Zs.

Let nature take its course...should i try it in my studies or have i been already giving up to it?