This should have been posted long ago...but it was dragged and dragged for 5 years. After 5 years, I decided to put the bundle down and wake up from my 5 year dream. I decided that he has the right to know it too, whether or not he has any reaction its his business.

For the past 5 years, it has been my source of hope,joy and pain. The dream that seem like a fairytale and dream come true to me was infact tiring. 5 years I been dreaming and hoping that this wish would come true even deep down in my heart, I know how fragile this dream is. Nevertheless, I still grab onto the slightest ray of hope, hoping one day it will be a fairytale come through for me.

5 years ago in 2003, I started to like this guy. We didnt talk, I was always hiding and looking at his side view or his back view. For some reason or so, he was the only guy that give me a different feeling from the rest of the guys. He was the one that make me stop in my traces to take a good look at him and to notice him. Because of this feeling, it stopped me from rottening. At the point in time, I was feeling totally useless and have no interest in going to school where everyone bullies me and where i was on the verge of hiding at a corner, praying that the days would just pass by and everyone will not notice me. Everyday I go to school, sit down quietly, went to hid at a corner during recesses and went home straight after that. I couldnt open myself to my classmates as I am having thoughts of what they would be saying behind my back. I try to make it up to them and do things in the dark so that they would not know i was the one helping them. At that point of time what was making me stay in school was not to hurt my mother and also seeing that my classmates were happy when their stuff was done by some unknow person. Other than that, there wasnt a reason for me to go to school.

For that year, I completely shut myself from the world. To me the world is full of people that would run or freak out at the sight of me, my face was full of pimples and i looked ugly.
I dunno what he did that i started to like him but it was a clear fact to me that at some point of time, I wanted to go to school. Wanted to study hard so that i can remain in my class and pure science stream just to continue to see him from side view. It was also debra's good grades in science that makes me pump in effort to study hard. You can say that my secondary school results was a result of wanting to have good grades like debra in science and also wanting to remain in the same class as him.
With that it brought me through my secondary school years. Although its good that i was saved by him from rottening, but my liking for him grew. We didnt talk. So when out of the blue, he ask something, it will bring me joy for the day and also if he replies me in msn [out of the blue], i be over the moon. There was an occasion, he exchanged some notes with me and that note, I have been keeping it in my sercet box since that day.

At the end of Sec 4, I make up my mind to lose weight. The main reason is to lose weight so that I could turn into a better person and he wont run away if i tell him that i like him. So for that period of holiday before i started mi, i was only having a meal. one papya for breakfast, nothing for lunch and vege for dinner. I slim down from 83 to 75 before i started mi. Where I meet Mijuan, Sasha, Wei Ping, Bao Yun, Wen Long, Kelvin, Ryan, Shu Qin, Clifford, Daryl, Champ and the rest of 05B2. At that point in time is when I actually open up to people other than Debra, Esther, may fen and xin yu, might be jinq meei.
Those days although i was happy but i feel hurt when he didnt reply me when i try to talk to him online. I gradually lost hope in that this dream will come through. For the period of Mi, I did not touch meat only vege and my complextion was better than in my secondary school. I begin to find myself actually not that ugly than before.
At that time i knew that this dream was impossible but i didnt really have the courage to face the reality.
When I got to poly, I didnt know if I have start to give up on this dream or not but the fact of knowing that he had entered the same poly once again bring me a stronger ray of hope. Because of one assignment, i got him to help me and i did wat i shouldnt be doing. I actually took my phone and sliently take a photo of him looking down and the other is his side view. He didnt know. I was so happy at that time and i went to print it out and kept it in my sercet box since.
Then there was once which clearly make me understand that he was in my heart, we saw each other at the canteen and he smile at me. I was immediately energized and over the moon.
Each year at his birthday, i would sms or msg him happy birthday. On the bus if i see him, i would went over to talk to him none stop.I not sure if its 05 or 06 that i actually make a card for him and msg him online telling him that i be waiting at the lib on the 4 level to pass him the present. I told myself, this is the last chance that i should grab onto my dream, if he doesnt appear i will have to forget him.
He didnt appear on that day but for the following years of his birthday, i still did the same thing of msging him happy birthday.
Since that day he didnt show up, i have been telling myself to forget this guy but everything when i thought i forgotten him, his image will appear on my mind again! or he will appear before me!
Like once even though we were so close, we didnt notice each other presence till he got up to board the bus. He was sitting behind me. Once i was going to bugis, i and him pass by the escaltor, he was carrying his cpu and going down while i was travelling up. I noticed his friend long fringe before i notice him standing beside the guy.
At the start of last year, i thought i really forgotten him but his reappearance make me feel so wrong. I dare not even look at him in the eye or face or greet him cos I scare it will make me harder to get out of the dream.At the nafa test, i even unknowly look out at the guys to see if we could meet each other again.

Each girl will have a image of a prince in her heart, my heart? whenever i thought of my future boyfriend or the prince? it is always him! Slowly he become the perfect prince in my heart, he was the one whose actions are of a prince to me. One who i feel turing into a princess when he notices me. He was the one who slowly turn into my guidlines for a boyfriend [the feeling that he has been giving me]. He was the guy that make me dun find other guys attractive even if some of them are better looking than him. He was the guy that i can never treat as a brother. the guys around me, i treat them as brothers. He was the one who i wished he could appear before me whenever I in a difficult sitation or when I am in trouble. He was the one i hoped that he could one day take me to the amusement park, ride with me on rides and win the biggest prize for me which i will treasure.He was the one which i dream that he will hold my hand and go to watch movies or shopping.
And he was the one who caused me alot of pain to break away from this dream and move on with life.
As of today I decided to put a stop to it like it or not. Tell him the truth and take the fact. It has been a fantasy dream and a fairytale for the five years.

He is not rich and does not have the airs of a prince. But to me there is a prince living in his heart.

5 years...I dun want to continue with this dream...since i might never run into him again cos he going ns and i going uni. I might as well tell him and get along with my life.

In a modern century like this, fairytales arent bound to happen do they? If they really happen they might not happen on me do they?